Insomniac...

I cant sleep. I havent been able to sleep for the past two weeks. Its not so much that i cant sleep but it takes me till four in the morning to do so, leaving me grumpy when i eventually do wake up the next morning. I lie in bed for hours and hours desperately hoping to finally drift off to sleep, but nothing. I remain wide awake and active as ive cold water chucked over my head. Its not a nice feeling. I myself am partly to blame, i have a lot of free days on my course and so spend much of my tame just generally wandering and not doing anything particularly strenuous with my time. So when it does come to my bed time im hardly warn out. I looked online for some answers. Turns out, im doing it all wrong. Theres a reason i cant sleep, and its my own damn stupidity. Here are some of the best ways to get some decent kip and how i seem to have ignored them all. Ive thrown some in too for good measure.

• Have a routine

The idea is that about an hour before you go to bed you have a routine that lets you brain know that ' ooh must be time to sleep'. Things like watch newsnight (or something much cooler), put on pjs, have cup of tea, brush teeth, listen to late night radio then bamm! Your asleep. I, however, have no routine. My only routine seems to be; go to bed, stay awake. I should get me one of these

• Have a nice hot bath

Apparently just having one of those lovely boiling hot, bubble filled baths right before you go to bed gets you all cosy and ready to sleep. And its a big no to having showers. All the water falling on you head is not gonna help you sleep in the same way a piano dropping on your head wont help. Here my only flaw is not having tried it, but i will.

• No computer/tv/big amounts of food or sugar an hour before bed

Now, in my opinion this is a bit of a rubbish rule. Sort of rules midnight feasts out of the question. But i can sort of understand the no tele thing. Gorping at a screen right before you try and nod off is bound to make things difficult. All the bright lights and warbing sounds are just gonna perk your brain right up. I, however, sit and eat big piles of jaffa cakes while watching the whole series of spaced on 4OD. ooh and i wonder why i cant sleep.

• Have a calming and relaxing environment.

This means that your bedroom should be a haven of tranquility and peace. And as far as im aware a clothing carpet and a fleece for a curtain doesnt really qualify. I must tidy my room, if only for my own sanity. Though im fairly sure one of those glade jobbies would work just as well. But more seriously, have a tidy room that smells ok and is warm. It will certainly help.

• Try reading before sleeping

I know your not suppose to 'over stimulate' your mind or anything, but a spot of light reading before setting down to sleep will help. The more boring the book the better, maybe the dictionary. It gets you mind all imagining things and therefor, surely, ready for all the dreaming. But me being incapable of doing anything quite right chose to read American Pyscho. Patrick Batemen is far from the best of bedfellows. (ooh the book is sooo much better than the film)

• Get rid of all your thoughts

I dont mean this quite litereally. But the reason alot of people cant get to sleep is because they have something on their mind that they just cant stop thinking about. No matter how trivial. The best thing to do is write it down, even if you scrawl it on the wall next to your bed. That problem will still be there in the morning and you can worry about it then. Im the biggest worrier in the world. The tiniest problem will keep me awake for hours, thinking up every possible outcome for it, i make myself sick with it. but yet still i lie there and stew. not good.

• Try getting wasted/stoned

Now i know this one may seem a little much. But getting stoned give you the best nights sleep ever, even if your sleeping on some wooden floor in the ceiling of some barn (it may have happened). You may make up feeling a little...dry, but thats worth it for a decent nights sleep. Same goes for getting wasted. We all know that when we drink, it will get to a certain time of the night when you start dropping off. And no matter where you are like a taxi, a club or just your friends house (these too may have happened) theres just no stopping it. So simply make that dropping off point coinside with your bed time and your sorted.

• Not be lonely

I shall elaborate. Its my firm belief that the main reason behind me not being able to sleep is down to sheer lonliness. The last time I had a decent nights sleep was two weeks ago. The last time i saw old hughie (the boyfriend) was two weeks ago. Coincidence i think not. I have simply been awake for the past two weeks due to the simple fact that i missed him. And now as he is coming tomorrow i should hopefully be able to get some sleep! After that he can go home as he will have fulfilled my requirements.

And for those of you, who like me, have resorted to the internet because you cant sleep i have the perfect song for you. Think of it as a lullaby. But not in a sissy way.